Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Vincent Van Gogh & Theo Parrish: Dentists STILL at large + Weatherall and Greg Wilson Mixes to download.

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Dear Theo,
I am in love. Clare Erling came in last week for an oral prophylaxis. (I had sent her a postcard telling her it had been 6 months since her last cleaning even though it had only been 4 days.) Theo, she drives me mad! Wild with desire! Her bite! I've never seen such a bite! Her teeth come together perfectly! Not like Mrs Wood's, whose lower teeth are forward of her uppers by an inch, giving her an underbite that resembles that of a werewolf! No! Clare's teeth close and meet! When this happens you know there is a God! And yet she's not too perfect. Not so flawless as to be uninteresting. She has a space between her lower nine and eleven. Ten was lost during her adolescence. Suddenly and without warning it developed a captivity. It was removed rather easily (actually it fell out while she was talking) and was never replaced. "Nothing could replace lower ten," she told me. "It was more than a tooth, it had been my life to that point." The tooth was rarely discussed as she got older and I think she was only willing to speak of it to me because she trusts me. Oh, Theo, I love her. I was looking down into her mouth today and I was like a nervous young dental student again, dropping swabs and mirrors in there. Later I had my arms around her, showing her the proper way to brush. The sweet little fool was used to holding the brush still and moving her head from side to side. Next week I will give her gas and ask her to marry me.
Vincent.

Dear Theo,
Gaugin and I had another fight as he left for Tahiti! He was in the middle of an extraction when I disturbed his .work. He had his knee on Mr Zeronul's chest with the pliers around the mans upper right incisor. There was the usual struggle and I had the misfortune to enter and ask Gaugin if he had seen my Fez.. Distracted, Gaugin lost his grip on the tooth and Zeronul took advantage of the lapse to bolt from the chair and race out of the office' Gaugin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten minutes and for several hours after I could not blink in unison. Now I am lonely.
Vincent.

Dear Theo,
All is lost! Today being the day I planned to ask Clare to marry me, I was a bit tense. She was magnificent in her white orange dress, straw hat and receding gums. As she sat in the chair, the the draining hook in her mouth, my heart thundered. I tried to be romantic. I lowered the lights and tried to move the conversation to more gay topics. We both took a little gas. When the moment seemed correct, I looked her directly in the eye and said, "Please rinse." And she laughed! Yes, Theo! She laughed at me and then grew angry! "Do you think I could rinse for a man like you!? What a joke!" I was taken aback some amount, "Please, you don't understand." I cried but to no avail, "I understand quite well! I could never rinse with anyone but a licensed dental practitioner! Why, the thought I would rinse here!Get away from me!" And with that she ran out weeping. Theo! I want to die! I see my face in the mirror and I want to smash it! Smash it! Hope you are well.
Vincent.

Dear Theo,
Yes it's true. The ear on sale you saw on Ebay is mine. I guess it was a foolish thing to do but I wanted to send Clare a birthday present last Sunday and every placed was closed. Oh, well. Sometimes I wish I had Listened to father and become a painter. It's not exciting but the life is regular.
Vincent.

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Couple of mixes for you to download now. Firstly, it's another absolute cracker from ya man Lord Saber AKA Mr Andrew Weatherall. Recorded at The Hare & Hounds in Birmingham last year, it's yet another example of how relevant to forward thinking electronic music Weatherall still remains. Starting off nice and slow with plenty of slinky, dark, chugging numbers, there then follws 2 hours of druggy, sonic excursions across almost every genre and facet of modern dance music. Textbook gear.
Next up is electro-funk legend Greg Wilson and a recording from a couple of months back from The Horse And Groom on the first night of Greg's 'Credit To The Edit 2' album launch tour. You would have had to be living under a rock for the last couple of decades not to have caught one of Greg's sets, the 'Credit To The Edit 2' tour nights being a particular high point. If you caught him at his recent barnstorming appearance in Newcastle with our friends at 'D a d a' you will know exactly what to expect from this mix. 2 hours of top class party rocking.
Little bit of news while we're still on the subject of parties in Newcastle. A quick mention to any of the heads out there, a night that I'm especially looking forward to in a couple of weeks is the Ashley Beedle & Joy Orbison gig at the afore mentioned 'D a d a' night on Saturday the 30th of January. Beedle who cut his teeth in the late 80's with the Boys Own mob then later with the likes X-Press 2, The Disco Evangelists and The Ballistic Brothers. Ashley has been at the forefront of modern electronic music from pretty much day 1 and he remains there today. Coupled with Joy Orbison who is currently the hottest new property in music, a cracking night looks to be on the cards.
As well as that, there's a string of great nights in store over February with the likes of the 'Nevilles Disco' lads throwing another one of their intimate soirees at The DB Social and Optimo's 'JD Twitch' coming back to town for a date at Dragnet @ theCUT. They'll be more info on those as well as some other rather tasty local parties in the coming weeks so keep 'em peeled innit!

You can checkout the Facebook group for the Joy Orbison & Ashley Beedle party here for more info on it.

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Andrew Weatherall; Live @ The Hare And Hounds. Birmingham. 12/06/2009 (Brand new working link!!)

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Greg Wilson: Live @ The Horse & Groom. 22/11/09

Till next time.
Big love. Tourist. X.

'Tourist' on Twitter.
'D a d a' on Twitter.

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