Your questions answered. 'The Goths', how does that work then?
It's every parent's nightmare. Their apparently well-adjusted child suddenly comes home with hair the colour of a coalface, a face whiter than anything made by Dulux, and announces, "Mummy, I'm a goth." However, according to a new study, parents of goths will probably end up boasting about their son/daughter the doctor, lawyer or bank manager.That is the surprising finding of Cockblock University's Dave Thumb, whose doctorate in 'Looking At People With Funny Hair And Eyeliner In London, Brighton And Leeds' has become the industry standard guidelines to all things Goth.
'Most youth subcultures encourage people to drop out of school and do illegal things,' he says. 'Most goths are well educated, however. They hardly ever drop out and are often the best pupils. The subculture encourages interest in classical education, especially the arts. I'd say goths are more likely to make careers in web design, computer programming, knitting and Wicca.'
In addition to their studies, hours are spent by the Goth adopting the requisite air of mysterious gloom, reading the spines of Dostoevsky novels, and gazing forlornly at spots. (However, similar experiences can still be found among people in much more respectable professions.)
Goths are like masons I have also been told. 'They're everywhere!' But rather than blaming some sinister conspiracy, let us look at the reasons people become goths in the first place. According to Mordin Grindle, formerly of goth band 'Baroque Back Mounting' but now running a dentists surgery in Vauxhall, "I loved the bands, but it wasn't a pose - I felt authentically depressed. I was a teenager in Great Yarmouth, where I felt that people didn't like me. I drank cider and mulled wine and painted my nails a lot. I just couldn't understand why nobody liked me?' Amazing. He goes on to add that Goth is a non-violent subculture. 'Goths are more like hippies. I don't know any goths who are into graveyard destruction or cat slaughtering. They like their graveyards and they love their cats.' Nor do drugs seem to be much of a problem. 'Speed is a goth drug because the ideal is to be skinny,' says Grindle. 'But for most of us it was Blue Nun wine because Wayne Hussey drank it.'
So perhaps parents shouldn't be too worried that a new generation of goths is cropping up again. There's a goth couple on Coronation Street and for some goths, enterprise is automatically thrust upon them especially if born within a 2 mile radius (as the bat flys) of Whitby and their biannual Gothic festival for there's untold riches to be made by selling 2nd hand Harry Potter books, broken hair crimpers, henna dye and cheap vampire related tat to other synchronised non-conformity practicing nobs dressed as Ray Reardon.
Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a goth? 10 tell-tale signs.
1. Drinks snakebite. Former or closet goths still display a lingering thirst for snakebite - half a pint of lager with half a pint of cider, sometimes with blackcurrant. Snakebite is the worst thing the goths ever did after their invasion of the Roman Empire in AD 268.
2. Penchant for eyeliner. It seems everybody's wearing eyeliner these days, but a goth's make-up is a smidgen more extreme: the skin is powdered white, and black eyeliner is used on eyes, brows, lips and sometimes - to draw cobwebs, probably - the skin. NB: goths do not use bronzer, rouge, or St Tropez self-tan.
3. Cape. Capes have been fashionable this winter, but don't let that confuse you. A goth wears a cape so long it grazes the floor. Looks a little incongruous over a business suit.
4. Went to Leeds university. Strangely, Leeds has a nigh-on magnetic attraction for goths, and there are more cape shops per capita in the city than anywhere else in Europe, Transylvania included.
5. Whistles Fields of the Nephilim/ Sisters of Mercy/ March Violets/ Subway to Sally songs. This is why no goth ever had a successful career as a milkman.
6. Strange hobbies. Many of your colleagues will spend the weekend at B&Q, drinking Lambrusco and playing five-a-side. Not goths. They read preposterous fantasy books, do a spot of Wicca and anything "a bit medieval".
7. Black clothing. Though both wore a lot of black, it is easy to differentiate between the goth and the 80s throwback by asking this simple question: can you imagine this outfit in a Robert Palmer video? The Goth's predilection for black clothing is a reflection of the Black Aesthetic - taking those things society regards as evil or wrong and making them beautiful. Many items in the longtime Goth's wardrobe may now have faded to a sort of charcoal shade.
8. Disturbing dancing at Christmas party. The goth sticks rigidly to the routine of two and a half steps to the front and back again, while gazing at the floor in an affected fashion and waving hands around mysteriously.
9. Disarmingly pointy boots. It is a little-known fact that inside their shoes, goths' feet are just as pointy as their winklepickers.
10. Drives a hearse to work. And doesn't work at a funeral parlour.
Okay, tune's time. This weeks mixed bag comin' at 'cha from Tourist Towers is rather fab and features Ewan Pearson mixing up Alter Ego, messers Bullock and Duncan go to work on DFA's 'Capracara. Some disco-edit niceness from two of my new favourites Chalk Hill and Leftside Wobble. A Pilooski oddity featuring Jarvis Cocker and a nice slow and deep mix of Woolfy Vs Projections 'Absynth' by Innervisions 'Marcus Worgull'.
Alter Ego * Beat The Bush (Ewan Pearsons Slow NRG Edit)
Capracara * King Of The Witches (Rub N' Tug Mix)
Chalk Hill * Nobody Can Do What You Do
C.O.M.B.I. * No Give Up (Eric D Re-Edit)
Ashford & Simpson * Don't Cost You Nothing (Leftside Wobble Edit)
Jarvis Cocker * Discosong (Pilooski Edit)
Woolfy Vs Projections * Absynth (Marcus Worgull Remix)
A couple of brilliant new mixes to download now, one from Andy Blake, head honcho of the Englands finest record label 'Dissident Records' and one from the local cats from Pauly BArton & Wella AKA 'Nevilles Disco'. Andy Blake delivers what you'd expect, namely a cracking 2 hour mix of records that make you wonder 'how the hell have I never heard this before?' every few minutes and the 'Nevilles Disco' lads managed to pulled it out the bag just in time for inclusion and drop a sublime laid-back mix, perfect for the rapidly approaching close of summer.
Andy Blake * Rock The Boat Mix
No tracklist available:
Neville's Disco Mixtape - Gary and Phil's Nan.
1. Vangelis * Albedo 0.39.
2. Sade * I Couldn't Love You More.
3. Black sabbath * Planet Caravan (DJ Steef Mix)
4. LFO Vs F.U.S.E. * Loop (LFO's Journey Mix)
5. Kleer * Tonight
6. Terrence Trent D'Arby * Sign Your Name (Lee 'Scratch' Perry Remix)
7. Linda Lewis * Sideways Shuffle (Leftside Wobble Edit)
8. First Choice * Love Having You Around
9. Talking Heads * This Must Be The Place
10. Osunlade Pres. Nadira Sakoor * Touched My Soul
11. Loose Fingers * Deep Inside
12. Floating Points * Love Me Like This (FTPS Mix)
Till next time. Big Love.
P.S. Don't forget that for extra track and mix downloads you can follow us on Twitter by simply clicking here and hit us up/argue/insult us via Facebook by clicking here. Easy innit!
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
It's back, bigger and badder than ever, and this season the Premier League is boldly going beyond the parody it's already become.
It is customary every August that the return of English football is over-hyped, over-paid, over-exposed, and has been becoming excessively based in the courts of law of the country. But enough of last season.
Most sports are going to look a bit vulgar when set next to the more genteel pursuits such as cricket and golf, yet the new Premier League season is lining up to be more garish than a fully lit fairground, complete (obviously) with runaway roller coaster.
What about a ride on the ghost train, anyone?
Remember just a couple of years ago now when Noppadon Pattama, Thaskin Sinawatra's Bankok-based lawyer, released a statement explaining why his boss was an ideal person to take over Manchester City:
"There has never been a proper probe. His Excellency has never ordered any of his official staff to kill anyone!" That's my mind at rest then. Now say what you like about Mike Ashley, and please do, but he never had to defend himself to Human Rights Watch. Which takes us onto the Championships new additions, that out of control, Black and White rollercoaster thats tearing along at full tilt up Barrack Road.
It cannot stop, because once you have agreed to pay Joey Barton 140 grand a season for his, gulp, image rights, then clearly you must have a shed load of readies to piss away on the likes of Geremi to warm the bench!
Come now into the hall of mirrors, and Rafa Benitez must be looking at a very distorted reflection each morning if he fancies himself with that fucking 90's raver goatee. In terms of delivering the title though, no manager with the distraction of facial hair decoration that could be described as a 'Posse Beard' has ever won the Premier League, and, although no betting exchange is offering odds on the prospect, it is highly unlikely the rule will be broken. Benitez has spent a shit load of money across the last couple of seasons mostly on strikers. He cannot play them all, and he will need to find his best combination/formation quick, and stick to it as long as he can to get Liverpool into any kind of title contention. Benitez being Benitez though, sticking to a line-up might prove a problem in itself.
The traditional role of the circus strongman will be played by Mark Hughes – 'Roll up! Roll up! See how many strikers he can pick up at once!' – And this season 'Citeh' are supposed to be looking to break into the top 4 and test their strength at the expense of a weak and puny Arsenal side.
Now City look decent. They've got shot of some shite and signed a few more useful players, Kolo Toure especially looking to be a cracking bit of business. If they can add Lescott to that team they begin to look the genuine article. But whether Arsenal turn out to be the stooges that everyone seems to expect is one of the season's biggest questions! It might not be all doom and gloom down at the Emerates though as Arsene Wenger is still a cracking judge of talent and don't forget he's won the title a couple of times himself. A feat neither Rafa or Hughes have been close to for a long time now. The Arsenal could be this seasons dark horses, and if Man City are going to make inroads in the top 4, in my opinion it would have to be at the expense of Liverpool.
Wrestling the title from a Manchester United deflated by the loss of the human footballing steroid of Ronaldo, but still threatening to produce even more from Rooney then last season, will be harder again. Making a definite bet on the winners is the most difficult though. On the face of it, if Man U were stronger than Chelsea last season and they should be even stronger now. But I'm concerned weather Rooney and Owen will form an unstoppable goal machine or merely get in each others way?
Supposing Anelka starts rattling them in alongside Drogba and Essien is as dominant as he was last season. Or Van Persie and Arshavin do the same at Arsenal?
After suggesting last season that Man United might struggle to score enough goals, Hull would go back down bottom and that Chelsea would have the league "Bagged and tagged by Christmas!" I intend to be a bit more cautious with my predictions this year Please be sparing with the hate mail if I happen t get a few things wrong.
There has never been a proper probe. This is only football and, though I don't have a Bangkok-based lawyer to vouch for me, but I promise I have never had anyone killed.
1. Chelsea win the title by a large margin.
2. Arsenal to come second followed by Man U and Liverpool. The usual top four in other words. Spurs and Man Citeh to make a faltering start and, take too long to recover.
3. Everton and Villa to finish above Fulham, Bolton and West Ham.
4. Fulham to be in a relegation position at some point without actually being relegated.
5. Hull, Stoke and of course Sunderland to make up the bottom 3 come May 2010, and Sunderland to beat their lowest points ever record AGAIN!
6. Chelsea to get to the European cup final.
7. Craig Bellamy to have a bust up with, well, anybody at Man Citeh and end up at Portsmouth before the end of the season.
8. Alex Ferguson to retire and Ancelotti to leave Chelsea before the end of the season.
9. Toon scrape into the playoff's but not come back up next season.
10. And, errr, Rafa Benitez has a beard rethink by Christmas.
The Tourist '20 tracks for August' chart.
1. Doves * Compulsion (Andrew Weatherall Remix) (Heavenly)
2. DJ Hell * Hells Kitchen (Playgroup Remix) (International Deejay Gigolo's)
3. Clap Rules * Buio Omega (Dissident)
4. The The * Giant (Pilooski Edit) (Dark & Lovely)
5. General Motors * King Of Kong (White)
6. Mungolian Jet Set * Clairevoyage (16 Rebels of Mung ft. Lindstrom and Dominique Leone Mix) (Smalltown Supersound Norway)
7. Woolfy Vs Projections * Absynth (Marcus Worgull Mix) (Permanent Vaccation)
8. LCD Soundsystem * 45:33 (Trus'Me Remix) (DFA Promo)
9. Jacques Renault * Work It (Cabin Fever Trax Vol 6) (Rekids)
10. Hardton * Time To Jack (Dissident)
11. Crazy P * Caught Up (Still Going Mix) (20:20 Vision)
12. Heartbreak * Akin To Dancing (The Horrors Remix) (Dissident)
13. Audion * It's Full Of Blinding Light (Spectral Sound)
14. Canyons * Fire Eyes (DFA Promo)
15. Plastique De Reve * Lost In The City (40 Thieves Edit) (DFA/Rong Music)
16. Dirty 30 * Disco Apocalypto (I'm A Cliche)
17. The Off Key Hat * Lairy Little Junkie (Dissident)
18. Azari * Reckless With Your Love (CDR)
19. Snax * Honeymoon's Over (Konrad Black Remix) (Terranova Records)
20. Mugwump - Tellakian Circles (Runaway Remix) (Endless Flight)
Bunch of tunes for you as usual. Nice bit of summer house music from Mountain Of One with the House Of House remix of 'Bones'. Keeping up the momentum, Mountain Of One pop up again with some tres classy 'organic Balearic' when they remix Ian Hunter's track 'Bastard', proper bit of class this one. After the great feedback we got after posting 'Reckless For Your Love', Azari crop's back up again with his debut on Cosmo Vitteli's excellent 'I'm A Cliche' label, 'Hungry For Power'. As you would expect it's a brilliant piece of powerfully-throbbing house music. Next up it's Azari's label mate on IAC Jacques Renault with some similarly classy beats in the shape of the 'Magic Games' track. We round things up with Norway's newest exports Mungolian Jet Set. They've been repped for a good few months now by all the right people but seem now to be following up that initial hype by actually delivering some really top notch tracks. 'Creepy', the track we've posted here was the first thing I'd heard by them but they've since then put out a handful of brilliant tracks, so if you like this then have a dig about for the others. It'll be worth ya while peeps!
Mountain Of One * Bones (House Of House Remix)
Azari * Hungry For Power
Mano Le Tough * Half A Sun
Mungolian Jet Set * Creepy
Jacques Renault * Magic Games
Ian Hunter * Bastard (A Mountain Of One's Rework)
Also,,,, as a late inclusion I thought I'd post this little beauty that fell into my inbox recently. It's an absolutely brilliant live set from Andrew Weatherall at the 'Rockness Festival' back in June. Touching base with everything from disco-to-chuggers-to-techno with the usual leftfield gems chucked in the mix. A proper masterclass.
Just click here to download it!
Till next time. Big love.
You can also follow 'Tourist' on Twitter for extra updates and more downloads by clicking here, 'TouristParty Blog'
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
All right, all right, I admit it, this is just a tiny bit nepotistic but hey, it's and excuse for us to drop a little midweek blog-love to you all and not to mention that it's a bloody good free mixtape! So, those lovely gents from 'People Get Real' have furnished Geoff with an exclusive mix to promote their appearance at the bank holiday 'Last Waltz' extravaganza later this month. Just incase anyone has been living in a cellar in Bavaria for the last few weeks and hasn't seen any info on this little ho-down, simply read on,,,,,
'LAST WALTZ BANK HOLIDAY SPECIAL'
(Extended Licence 11 - 6am!!!)
MARK E (Jisco, Golf Channel)
PEOPLE GET REAL (Wax:On, Reclaim The Dancefloor
EL.DEE & GEOFF LEOPARD (Last Waltz)
Collingwood Street, Newcastle Upon Tyne
£4 Before 1am! / £6 After 1am!
PEOPLE GET REAL - AUGUST 2009 MIX.
Lusine - Two Dots ‘Pezzner Remix’ (Ghostly International)
Soul Clap - Conscious (W+L Black)
DJ Sprinkles - Grand Central, Part I ’MCDE Bassline Dub’ (Mule Musiq)Industry Standard - What you want ‘People Get Real Dubbed Edit’
Patrick Specke - Bitchual Linestepper (Desolat)
People Get Real – Robin Hood (MagicBag Music)
MK feat. Alana – Love Changes ‘MK Dub’ (Charisma)
Youandewan - Thumbsucker (MagicBag Music)
Doorly - Toys ‘Matt Walsh Alex Jones Rethink’ (Wax:On Music)
The Echologist - Hustle (Rekids)
Adam Marshall - The Owls Wont See Us (Simple Records)
Vera Heindel - Ling (Cargo Edition)
Shonky - Mama Queen (Contexterrior)
M.in - Work That Body (Off)
Gavin Herlihy Underneath the Wind Machine (Cadenza)
Mateo & Matos - The Real Thing ‘Kevin's Heavy Dub’
Now a genius bit of video from everyones favourite dead, coke head, ex-pornstar Mr Dennis Parker/Wade Nichols (depending on your music/porn preference.) Through the 70's Parker/Nichols was a bit of a lad by accounts, working as one of the industry's top porn actors by day and running coke and heroin deals by night. However it wasn't all shagging girls called Crystal with pointy tits and hoovering as much of the worlds greatest quality class A's up ya beek that you can while sipping Brandy with the South American cartels, no no, all the hedonism eventually took it's toll on him and Parker eventually contracted Aids and ended up shooting himself so let that be a lesson,,,, or not! Anyway, a mate of mine played this out a few weeks back and after I hadn't heard it for a good while it just reminded me how equal amounts of joyousness and ridiculousness sometimes combine to be absolute gems. There's a load of edits of it kicking about from all the usual suspects but with this one I advise to keep it straight up, no ice with the original.
",,,,,always searching never perching,,,,,"
Couple of bits-and-bobs here too for you to download as well. First up another track from Ivan Smagghe in his 'It's A Fine Line' guise. Then we've got one of my favourite 'secret weapon' tracks in the shape of an utter BOMB from Cosmo Vitelli's 'I'm A Cliche' label with 'Dirty 30', one of the spanking new LCD Soundsystem remixes from 'Prins Language', a cracking track from flavour of the moment producer 'Joker' and some disco magic from the mighty Nitedog with his recent re-rub of Boogie Boogies 'Chains', which features non other than the mighty 'Luther Vandross' on lead vocals! And we rap proceedings up with a slice of intergalactic rolling disco-tech from the latest Moxie E.P.
Get 'em while they're hot y'all,,,,,
It's A Fine Line * Grease
Dirty 30 * Disco Apocalypto
LCD Soundsystem * 45:33 (Prince Languge Remix)
Joker * African (Original Mix)
Boogie Boogie * Chains (Nitedogs Anonstop Edit)
Moxie * Willie On Mars
Till next time.
Big love. Moogar. X.