Monday, 27 July 2009
Notes From The Overfed.
The number of college bulletins and adult-education come-ons that keep turning up in my letterbox convinces me that I must be on a special mailing list for dropouts. Not that I'm complaining; there's something about a list of extension courses that piques my interest with a fascination hitherto reserved for a catalogue of Hong Kong honeymoon accessories, sent to me once by mistake. Each time I read through the latest bulletin of extension course, I make plans to drop everything and return to college. So far, however I am still an uneducated, unextended adult, and I have fallen into the habit of browsing through an imaginary, handsomely printed course prospectus that is more or less typical of them all;
Economic Theory: A systematic application and critical evaluation of the basic analytic concepts of economic theory, with an emphasis on money and why it's good. Fixed coefficient production functions, cost and supply curves, and nonconvexity comprise the first term with the second term concentrating on spending, making change, and keeping a neat wallet. The British banking system is analyzed, and advanced students are coached in the proper method of filling out a deposit slip. Other topics include: Inflation and Depression - how to dress for each. Loans, interest and welching.
History Of European Civilisation: Ever since the discovery of a fossilised eohippus in the men's toilets at Mario's Cafe on Station Road in Ashington, it has been suspected that at one time Britain and Europe were connected by a thin plinth of land that later sank or became Blyth power station, or both.. This throws a new perspective on the formation of European society and enables historians and alcoholics to conjecture about why Europe sprang up in an area that would have made a far better Asia. Also studied in the course is the decision to hold the Renaissance in Italy.
Introduction To Psychology: The theory of human behaviour. Why some men are called 'lovely individuals' and why there are some others you just want to punch. Is there a split between mind and body, and, if so, which is better to have? Aggression and rebellion are discussed. (Students particularly interested in these aspects of psychology are advised to take one of these Winter Term courses; Introduction to Hostility; Intermediate Hostility; Advanced Hatred; Theoretical Foundations Of Loathing.)
Philosophy 1: Everyone from Plato to Camus is read, and the following topics are covered in depth.
Ethics: The categorical imperative and six ways to make great fish soup.
Aesthetics: Is art the mirror of life, or what?
Metaphysics: What happens to the soul after death? How does it manage?
Epistemology: Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know this?
The Absurd: Why existence is often considered silly, particularly for men who wear pointy shoes?
Manyness and Oneness are studied as they relate to Each-Otherness. (Students achieving this will move ahead to the next course, Twoness.)
Philosophy XXIX-B: Introduction to God. Confrontation with the creator of the universe through informal lectures and field trips.
The New Mathematics: Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backwards. This has led to a re-evaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean Algebra and formerly unsolvable equations are delt with by threats of reprisals.
Fundamental Astronomy: A detailed study of the universe and it's care and cleaning. The sun, which is made of gas can explode at any moment, sending our entire planetary system hurtling to destruction; students are advised what the average citizen can do in such a case. They are also taught to identify various constellations, such as the Big Dipper, Cygnus The Swan, Sagittarius the Archer, and the twelve stars that form Lumidees the used car salesman.
Modern Biology: How the body functions and where it can usually be found. Blood is analyzed and it is learned why it is the best possible thing to have coursing through one's veins. A frog is dissected by students and it's digestive tract is compared with man's, with the frog giving a good account of itself on everthing, except curries.
Music Appreciation: In order to "hear" a great piece of music correctly, one must: (1) know the birthplace of the composer, (2) be able to tell a rondo from a scherzo, and back it up with action. Attitude is important. Smiling is bad form unless the composer has intended the music to be funny, as in 'Das Burgermeister', which abounds in musical jokes (although the trombone has all the best lines.) The ear, too must be trained, for it is our most easily deceived organ and can be made to think it is a nose by bad placement of stereo speakers. Other topics include: 'The four-bar rest and it's potential as a political weapon,' and 'The Gregorian Chant: Which monks kept the beat?'
Yeats And Hygiene, A Comparative Study: The poetry of William butler Yeats is analyzed against a background of proper dental care. (Course open to a limited number of students.)
Writing For The Stage: All drama is conflict. Character development is also very important. As also is what they say. Students learn that long, dull speeches are not so effective, while short "funny" ones seem to go over well. Simplified audience psychology is explored. Interesting aspects of stage history are also examined. For example, before the invention of italics, stage directions were often mistaken for dialogue, and great actors frequently found themselves saying, "John rises, crosses left." This naturally led to embarrassment and, on some occasions, dreadful notices. The phenomenon is analyzed in detail and students are guided in avoiding mistakes. Required text: A.F. Shulte's 'Shakespear: Was he Four Women?
and now, another word from our sponsors,,,,
Suono Present Aficionado
(Manchesters finest meet Newcastles worst.....)
Well, our friends across at Newcastles 'Suono' night are really spoiling us this sumer. No sooner have we managed to get over their epic 5th birthday celebrations last month with Greg Wilson then they've only gone and put together another top notch party. It's getting hard to keep up! Regarde,,,,,
Aficionado was created in Manchester in June 1998 by Moonboots and Jason Boardman, to allow them to share their combined musical love of anything good outside of the four-four mainstream beats.
They set about creating a cerebral Sunday soundtrack for minds and feet, with a balearic edge- as the antidote to the extremities of superclubbing which was prevalent at the time. The multi tempo playlists of Shoom, Ku and the Café del Mar in Ibiza, provided their inspiration, with a helping of the Italian cosmic sound and classic disco, electronic and folky oddities, and a touch of wonky pop.
Initially laughed at by many, but imitated by many more over the next 11 years, they provided the blueprint for the chance to catch up with your mates after the weekends partying, chill over a quiet pint and they have the ability to make you dance your ass off as the night progresses, resulting in them being held responsible for many a Mancunian Monday morning work hangover.
Aficionado's popularity is mainly due to the pairs unique and varied Balearic DJ style and musical knowledge. Moonboots co-compiled the 1st excellent "Originals" and DJs throughout the country. The Chemical Brothers cite Moon as an early influence and he is widely regarded as one of the most innovative Balearic D's in the world alongside the legendary Alfredo. Aside from Aficionado, Jason Boardman has recorded and remixed as Truant for Paper Recordings and Grand Central, whilst being resident at seminal clubs such as Yellow, Hard Times and the Hacienda.
As such, Moon and Jason have been invited along to unleash their own sublime sounds at The Electric Chair in Manchester and have seduced a new audience at the Electric Elephant in Croatia.
Ten years on, the search for the perfect Nado beat continues, as we welcome Moon and Jason to Newcastle, for their Suono Debut together!
Suono will be on hand to keep an eye on proceedings – children are welcome , there’ll be a bbq and a free pool table!!..
This is the perfect opportunity for you to relax in the sun with old and new friends, enjoy a cold drink and fine food and the chance to bring the kids along and to hear some truly wonderful music on the terrace, before we take the party indoors for the evening!!
Saturday August 8th @ Stereo, Sandgate, Quayside, Newcastle Upon Tyne.
5pm until 2am
£3 from 5pm until 8 (kids free)
£4 from 8 until 2am
You can get more information and loads of top notch mixes from the Aficionado lads to download at the Suono Facebook page just by clicking here!!!!!
Okay, a handful of fab records for you cats now! First up, a bit of an old fav of mine in the form of The Units 'High Pressure Days'. I was about to toss a coin to decide which version to post, the original or the Headman mix (which I'm really digging at the moment) but I couldn't decided, so I've just posted the whole remix package. The net result being that you get both these versions and the bonus of a Rory Phillips remix too. Up next is a track from Kelley Polar. And seeing as I've been posting a lot of Morgan Geist and old DFA stuff though that it would make a good excuse to post this as Kelley worked with Geist and his partner Darshan Jesrani a number of times on their Metro Area project, most notably on the classic 'Miura' track. Next we have a record that I don't really know much about, 'Sapphire' by 'Zombi'. I picked this up in Phonica a few months back now and the vinyl has no label and just a paper sleeve with 'Escort Remix' scrawled on it, and even with that I'm assuming that it refers to the New York disco revivalist ensemble Escort,,,,, but I could be wrong! Next its a genuine monster of a track from Joachim Dyrdahl's 'Diskjokke' on the ever-reliable Full Pupp imprint. 'Cearadactylus' is textbook 10 min chugging, percussion led modern-disco that only the Scandinavians can do this well. It's been on my radar for 6 months or so, so that usually denotes that EVERYONE else has already rinsed it out, but if you've not heard this one before then DEFO get ya teeth into this PRONTO as it's a right old blinder! On the same vibe Benjamin Morando and Pilooski have been putting out some cracking tracks together as 'Discodeine' for quite a while now. On the chunkier side of disco, which I like, with the emphasis more on the sonics than the groove. I'm sure that most people will have heard this before but 'Tom Select' has been creeping back into my box of late and deserves another airing. Finally, bringing up the rear is another in the seemingly never ending stream of remixes and promotional mixes from Little Boots and some stone cold classic Detroit techno from the legend that is Mr Carl Craig with 'The Climax'. Som there ye go, all bases touched I believe so enjoy!
The Units * High Pressure Days (Rory Phillips Remix/Headman Remix/Original 1980 Version.)
Kelly Polar Quartet * Parlour Games.
Zombi * Sapphire (Escort Remix.)
Diskjokke * Cearadactylus.
Discodiene * Tom Select.
Paperclip People * The Climax.
Little Boots * Remedy (Disco Bloodbath Dub)
Till next time.
Big Love. Moogar. x.