Sunday, 21 December 2008

Christmas is coming, the geese are full of shat!

Kung fu kitty Pictures, Images and Photos
Han Solo Vs Boba Fete? Dracula Vs The Wolfman? A Zombie Vs A Mummy? Jaws Vs King Kong? Chuck Norris Vs Bruce Lee? Mike Tyson Vs Darth Vader? Yes, today I shall be answering some of the eternal questions that have troubled our top acedemics, holy men and booze hounds for decades. So, to clear up at least some of the conjecture cluttering up the world of 'avin' it electro' once and for all, we bring you a four way fight between a quartet of the biggest hitting, heavyweight producers and remixer's from both sides of the English channel!
The first bout is an all Gallic dust up, in the blue corner we have the man Yuksek, a veteran of the 2001 - 2003 electro clash wars versus, in the red corner, his sometime production partner and new kid on the block and the pretender to the title, Brodinski!
So without a do, its seconds out, round one!

Tommy Sparks * I'm A Rope (Yuksek Mix)

DJ Medhi * Pocket Piano (Brodinski Mix)

The second bout of the night is an all English affair between two of our best known producers and DJ's, Herve and Sinden. Going head to head, stretching nerve and sinu to prove who's the king of crunk, the wizard of 'wonk', the beast of the bassline.
"Ladies annnnnnnnnnd gentlemen,,, leeeeeet's get ready to rummmmmmmmmmmmmmble!"

N.A.S.A. * Money (Count Of Monte Cristal mix)

Metronomy * A Thing For Me (Sinden Remix)

Seeing as we're always getting e-mails wanting advice and guidance from both our readers we've decided to take a pragmatic approach to this and this week start our regularly irregular column to help with your numerous heartache's and problems, be they techno, disco or even Balearic. So hear it is,,,,,

Geoff and Fape's problem page*!

Dear Geoff,
Only the other day I hooked up to the internet on a vacant website, E-mailed some motherboards but snagged my acoustic couplers on a scuzzy cable before my ram roms downloaded all over the parallel port and got a floppy cutlet pipeline combined with a burst cash memory situation. Who'd have believed it, eh?! Anyway, get out yourselves much do you?
Brian. Baywater.

"Only when the drugs run out pal."
Geoff. The Grotto.

Dear Fape,
Would you recommend having your colon irrigated?
Lance Velvet. Bay Of Pigs.

"Certainly not Lance! Nothing’s going up my tradesman's except in pre-airport customs emergencies. And it's a brave man who asks me to stop and bend over when I'm on one of those luggage cards doing 80 up the green channel. Besides, why the hell would anyone want to cultivate crops in their arse?"
Fape. West-Weezy A-Town.

Dear Geoff,
My doctor tells me I don't know my arse from my elbow. Course I don't man, I said, that’s your job. I don't expect you to know how to fix my plasma, do I? Just as well he said, coz mines bust. Cheeky bastard. Anyway, turned out the tube had gone, so I flogged him a new one for a pony. Good job someone knows what they're doing, eh?
Louie. Isle Of Dergs.

"I could do with a pony myself pal! The one Sammy the pants flogged me was well knackered. Couldn't run very fast but he always had a smile on his face. Done a lot of video work so I'm told. I'm renting him out if anyone's interested.
Beep me, I'm hot!"
Geoff. The Grotto.

*This feature will probably never return. Thankfully.

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